Alex Crop

The industry’s thoughts on…CYBER BULLYING

By Alex Fox | 03 September 2018 | Feature, Tech Talk

Hands Iphone

The September issue of Scratch explores the issue of cyber bullying and its impact on the nail sector. Here, more techs reveal their experiences and thoughts…

Jan Soar, UK head of education & Nail Harmony PhD master educator for Essex discusses the term ‘bully’

“Cyberbullying is bullying in a cowardly form. A keyboard warrior, brave because they are not face-to-face with their victim, spitting out opinions and vitriol. We are all entitled to an opinion, but we are not entitled to personally attack those who hold differing ones or be abusive to someone out of jealousy for what they have that we don’t. Unfortunately, the cyber bully can be anyone – anyone at all. Sometimes I feel that people don’t even realise that’s what they’re doing. At least I hope they don’t.

“Early in my career, a highly respected member of the industry and someone I looked up to took it upon themselves to private message me on a forum and tell me that I knew nothing, was stupid and should keep my mouth shut about things I didn’t understand all because I’d given some advice to someone. This was a person I had – up until that point – respected, learned from and even quoted! Why they felt the need to be so poisonous I will never know. I do know, however, that when they met me face to face at an industry show they didn’t have the cojones to say anything. Had I been a different personality, it could have halted my career there and then.

“Bullying is a word very easily banded about these days. I do think that sometimes having an opinion can get someone labelled a bully when it’s not the case at all. Giving advice and disagreeing can be done without a personal attack on someone. No one has the right to threaten or orally attack anyone else in a public forum or private message. We all get angry and upset, so when this happens take a step back, rethink what you’ve written and look at how it can come across before hitting the return key.”

Amanda Jane Read, The Nail Bar & Training, Royston, Herts comments:

“I feel that people need to concentrate on what’s going on in their own lives rather than busying themselves with the lives of others. When we respond poorly to an aggressive comment, all we’re doing is fuelling that person’s already over-inflated ego. Nine times out of 10, the person creating the drama is insecure and feeling threatened and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. So, instead of encouraging the bullying, think about what has stimulated their behaviour. What makes that person so cruel? When we delve deeper, we uncover that the person has their own issues to deal with that makes them behave the way they do. This is where our compassion must rise.

“When people comment they are not thinking about anything other than the comment itself. They haven’t identified with the actual facts from both sides and they are not aware of the mental state of the person they are attacking, so before commenting on any issue or link – I would ask yourself – is it helpful?

“Those that post bullying statuses, which are clearly directed at a person or a company, have not qualified what they are going to achieve from it. They have just posted in the moment – a moment of anger or frustration, where all sane and rational thinking has left. Fortunately, life moves on and so do people, therefore, more times than not, it’s soon forgotten about in general, however it can leave scars behind.

“Occasionally, when these ugly posts are publicly splashed all over social media, they can make an appearance months later, which again is very traumatic for the person who’s in the line of fire once more. By bringing up the past that person has to re-live many of the emotions again. This can be very debilitating and often leads to a form of depression.
You can’t control what people think or write but you can protect yourself. Think about yourself first. Don’t focus on what others think. It’s what you think that matters. Does what you’re doing with your life or career make you feel good, happy, confident? If so, then go with it. You don’t need approval from others.

“I always say to those that put themselves down; Would you say something horrible like – that nail is rubbish – to a friend that has no confidence? No, of course you wouldn’t, so why say it to yourself? The only way to beat cyber bullying is to start with yourself. You need to start with being kind to yourself and start learning to like and encourage yourself with constructive criticism. The more you can focus on your goals, the less cyber bullying can influence, because you’re no longer entertaining insignificant and thoughtless comments. You’re concentrating on what matters most – and that’s YOU.

“I make a point of deleting people if I see a negative status. This way my FB friends are all people I admire and care for. Concentrate on yourself, not others, so there is no fuel for the bullies and watch yourself sparkle.”

Tess Walters, nail artist, USA, shares her encounter…

“I feel like some people are just waiting to jump on others with speculation and no real facts at all! I’ve had to stick up for people several times over the years. Personally, I delete people I see being unkind so they don’t get a chance to turn on me.

“I did have a non-professional contact me, who asked how I charged for a new set of nails. I said $60. Her reply was: ‘What the ****, ain’t that the same stuff they have at the mall?’ I laughed as I realised I could say anything I wanted to her as I knew anyone she told this story to, would feel she deserved it.

My reply: ‘You are ignorant if you think all nail techs do everything the same. And if you can get the same **** at your mall location, then why are you contacting me?’ Her next reply was: ‘You can just delete yourself.’ So I did.

An anonymous contribution…

“I’ve been in nails, beauty and education for over a decade and everything was fine and dandy before the social media explosion. With it arrived divas and keyboard warriors, all thinking they knew better, were better, with little respect for the industry gurus that were there long before them.

“People gain a ‘following’ and with it pseudo-popularity, which fuels ego, confidence and the feeling that behind their screen they are untouchable.

“Without expression, tone of voice and body language statements are easily misinterpreted online. And in fact the simplest of tongue in cheek comments can flare up. Whereas in reality, if face to face, it may have been a more pleasant discussion. For example, there is a young woman who’s trained, has a great social media and industry presence, and I’m honoured and proud of her success. Sadly, she has a reputation for being ‘difficult’, her attitude , language and manner come across aggressively. I’ve even witnessed brand creators suffer at the wrath of her Facebook tongue! Comment on a post with a different opinion and a private message is sent calling you a ‘bully’, yet face to face she is a darling. However, for those at the receiving end, it’s very upsetting.

“This example came to a head last year when I chose to leave every Facebook nail/beauty support group I was on. It is a shame, as I have a wealth of knowledge and experience to openly share, However, I left, not due to my own personal experience, but due to the stress I felt watching others attack each other.

“A student came to me around the same time expressing that out of respect she needed to inform me of something she’d seen. She’d been added to a group chat of half a dozen nail techs and I was the main topic of conversation. I was being discussed professionally and personally, my salon, my ability and my appearance; it was a campaign to boycott me. I was devastated. There was nothing I could do except rise above it, cry in secret and not show my distain. Silence is golden and so I spent time convincing myself that – YES I’m better than this; look where I am today through hard work and determination without the need to cause misery to others. I’m guessing it was all born from jealously. It still pains me, especially when I see these individuals getting praised on social media and their work credited, as part of me feels they really don’t deserve it. But again I stress – silence is golden – and focusing on myself has been my way of addressing this attack.”

Katie Barnes, nail artist, competition winner & educator, UK takes this stance on the subject…

“I see a lot of and have experienced ‘in direct’ abuse and bullying via Facebook statuses and unfortunately from many well respected in the industry.

“I believe that these statuses say more about the person writing them than who they are directed at. Silence is golden and I have more respect for those that keep quiet, than those that go shouting their grievances with others. When someone is trying to belittle another and damage their career by targeted abuse by the author and encouraging their peers to do the same, it’s unprofessional and leads me to no longer wanting to do business with this person. Much of this behaviour is born from jealousy and feeling threatened by another tech’s achievements or success, but this is still bullying.

“There’s room for everyone in this industry and we should be working together, not against each other. If there’s an issue, direct and professional communication is key to resolving any concerns.” 

Layla Tourh, MD The Creative Beauty Group, UK offers food for thought…

“Despite never being on the receiving end of social media abuse, or cyber bullying, I’ve certainly come across it on various nail forums. It’s such a shame to see that within our nail industry, there are nail ‘gangs’ that ultimately make fellow nail techs feel inadequate in front of others in the group.

“Until our industry recognises the bullying within our online ‘communities’ for what it is, thousands of nail techs will continue to suffer behind closed doors, and ultimately leave the industry that they once loved.”

Elaine Watson, executive vice president Kupa Inc & Nailympia head judge, USA shares her cyber story…”

“When I appeared as a judge on the TV Show Nail’d It, I fully expected to receive mixed comments as you just can’t please everyone all of the time. I made a pledge to myself that I would not engage with any negative comments. Nor would I go seeking them.

“To engage only empowers the bully and gives them what they want; a fight. Instead, when they came I ignored the drama and the voice silenced. I will always support the victim of this crime with love and understanding. Remind them that their bully has no power over them unless they allow it. The victim and their supporters know their inner truth (can separate the fact from fiction). Coming together as a group and supporting the victim can also help to give them the strength to recover from the bullying.

“Lastly, if you witness this behaviour, report it. Take away their voice. Maybe if they are reported enough, they will finally be silenced by the social media networks.”

Catherine Jimenez, PhD master educator, Nail Harmony UK, Buckinghamshire, Berkshire & Oxfordshire, joins the debate…

“I’ve not directly been impacted by this, but have seen it happen to some of my students and also to Nail Harmony as a brand on its closed technical help page. It’s something I feel very strongly about and firmly disagree with. I think as an industry this really lets us down.

“Here are the many ways I’ve seen this manifest:

  1. A private message to someone who runs a business via Facebook. This has been malicious, very personal and has also tried to discredit the person and turn other people away from their business.
  2. People placing negative reviews on technician’s pages – whether this is a client or another technician. Again, with the hope of having a negative impact on someone’s business.
  3. People who are not happy with decisions taken by companies and use a public forum to air these views, instead of contacting the company directly.

“In my mind all of these are malicious, hateful and extremely negative behavioural patterns. They have the impact of people looking at the bully in a negative way and rightly so.

“I have an 11-year-old son, who is starting to deal with these issues in daily life and I give him the same advice that I take myself. If someone is cyberbullying or voicing a negative opinion that is of no value – other than to cause chaos – the best thing we can do is ignore it. Silence is extremely powerful and can get a message across far better than entering into a public fight.

“Something that happened recently to one of my students, is that a client was not happy with her nails and she gave the student a negative review on her website (unfairly). The student sought advice from our technical page and I loved seeing other techs overriding this review with lots of positive ones. The power of this was fantastic and in effect caused the negative review to disappear! How the tech community gathered round and protected the aggrieved technician was lovely to see.

“From a company point of view, I love seeing Georgie Smedley turning potential negative situations into extremely positive ones, when people are not happy with actions that have been taken. Watching her take the high road and not allowing these people get to her, while listening to each person’s point of view, is a pleasure to behold.”

Sue Davies, Gorgeous Emporium, Kent, UK shares her story…

“A few years ago I got caught up in a horrible situation on Facebook within a group that leaked into private messaging and libellous statements on social media. It was with a group of colleagues I was working with and there was a breakdown in trust between us and the company we represented, which resulted in some unpleasant and unprofessional events. It was horrible and it got personal towards several of us. It was traumatising times, but our group supported each other through it and three years later we still have a bond that will probably always remain, although we are all working independently of each other now.

“For my own sanity, if I’m on social media groups where people get vengeful or unpleasant I leave the environment immediately. Social media platforms are a great tool for so much and I try to keep it constructive and light hearted.

“Negativity breeds negativity and we should, as an industry, try to alleviate it as much as possible. If in doubt, remove yourself and remove the people causing it from your accounts. Keep records and make sure you rise above it.”

Read more in the September issue of Scratch, available here.